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[19 Jul 2004|11:18pm] |
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I've done nothing but work the last week. I'm sick of dealing with people, and I want to go home before the school year starts. I'm tired of the chaos and gregariousness and the noise and incompetency. I don't think I'll be going anywhere, though, unfortunately. I'm going to sit in my room by myself for a while and stare at the crack on the ceiling that tends to shift around with my moods.
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[15 Jul 2004|04:12pm] |
Finally figured out this instant messenger device.
Instant message me at potionSxSarcasm.
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[13 Jul 2004|10:43pm] |
Dear Journal,
Things are starting to blow over...
I found an old potions textbook in the library written in Latin, and I've decided to interpret it for my next pet project. This one should be safer. I love the way Latin flows off the tongue. It is so much prettier than English.
Professor Warwhick was genuinely angry with me today. I think he heard about my little escapade. Well, hopefully tomorrow will be better. I worked very hard today...I actually had to scrub the floors. Such menial labor, he must have been very mad. I think I learned my lesson.
And she isn't angry yet. Looks like I get to keep my head attached to my body, at least for the time being.
Goodnight,
Severus
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[13 Jul 2004|12:06am] |
Is it just me, Journal, or are the house rivalries growing more violent than usual?
I can't help but feel sorry for Lily.
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| [peace and quiet are IMPOSSIBLE to find my head hurts stop stop stop.] |
[12 Jul 2004|11:36pm] |
Dear Journal,
There is no way I am leaving my chamber for the next two days. This all needs to blow over. I just wish she would stop showing up in my room a giggling mess determined to find out what exactly happened! Damn it, I know she has the right to know, but what will be the consequences? I'm glad I had a spare vial of an anti-hangover potion.
Mr. Riddle- due to extenuating circumstances, I was unable to meet you tonight. Come visit me in my room tomorrow if your desire to speak with me is urgent, or wait a week until I find you. My deepest apologies.
Oh, and Black- give them back. I'll owe you one...I just don't want her to be angry. I'm sure you of all people can understand that.
I need some new books. I've been much too social lately for my own good. What have I become? I'm one of them now! ahsjghklasjgh.
Frazzled,
Your Severus
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[12 Jul 2004|12:03am] |
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OKAY, JOURNAL, I FEEL LIKE A BLOODY SLIMEBALL, BUT I WASN'T EXPECTING THAT TO HAPPEN!
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| [slightly not cryptic] |
[11 Jul 2004|11:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 shocked |
] |
Dear Journal,
Well maybe it was the wine, and then again maybe it was something else. Something in the wine? Who knows!? Quit me of this raging laughter!! Damn.
Narcissa and I had a lovely evening, although I doubt she'll remember too much. At least, if it worked she shouldn't remember too much. Then again, it worked better than I was expecting it to work. I mean...wow.
This was so maniacally evil...probably the worst thing I've ever done. I can't believe I did it. Can't believe...I mean, it hasn't even been a full month and it already does THIS!?
Oh bloody owl shit I'm a horrible person. Scratch that, a horrible man.
Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. This isn't me. What have I done? I knew this would be a recipe for disaster... I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THIS. SCIENCE? WHAT WAS I THINKING?
I'm done blabbering like a gryffindor like an idiot. Just...fuck. FUCK.
Horrified,
Your Severus
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| [disorder.] |
[11 Jul 2004|12:27am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 artistic |
] |
Dear Journal,
I was up very late last night reading The Sound and The Fury by the muggle author William Faulkner. It was positively amazing. I enjoyed studying the muggles' sense of chaos and their yearning for order, but it seems so foreign to me because magic is essentially fighting against order. I see magic as the tool used to bring about entropy and harness its power.
In muggle science, some physicists believe that the universe is expanding and that there is a contanst increase in entropy as a result. Muggle biologists (similar to those who study "Care of Magical Creatures") define life as systems using energy to counteract the natural force of entropy. Since entropy is increasing as the universe expands and life forms are so reliant on order, both biologically and mentally, life forms will cease to exist. When every particle is evenly distributed and there is no energy left to expend to counteract this lack of concentration gradient, human life will end. Yet, by our definition of magic, using disorder as an empowering tool and force, Wizards and Witches as a group will survive forever. Our race is immortal, according to theories of muggle scientists. If only William Faulkner's characters realized that chaos is powerful, positive energy rather than just a negative energy...then again, most muggles do think that Wizards and Witches are "evil." This is all so abstract.
Speaking of evil, I've decided to do something very evil myself. Sometimes I am willing to sacrifice ethics or morals for the advancement of science. I just need to muster up the courage to follow through with my idea. It will obviously have benefits beyond scientific discovery, more personal ones. I am excited, nervous, and uneasy.
Slithering as always,
Your Severus
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| [Yawn] |
[06 Jul 2004|05:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 devious |
] |
Dear Journal,
I got back from London today after milling around the city in new places for a few days...I haven't really missed much around here. I bought a really bloody fabulous bottle of red wine. I love looking old sometimes. Who wants to come over for whine and cheese? Maybe listen to the record of your choice? I'm feeling surprisingly social after being away for a week or so.
Um, I'm going back to work tomorrow for the Professor. I took a quick peek in the Potions room and it's an utter mess. I feel like I've been using Hogwarts and my dormatory room as a "crash pad" lately. I should really get some work done.
I set up my potion in a self-stirring cauldron in my room...it will be ready soon. Who should I test the potion on first, hmm? I was thinking myself, but my results will be too biased. I know what results I'm looking for.
If anybody really wants to speed up his or her relationship and is willing to be a "guinea pig" (so to speak) you may volunteer yourself and your significant other (or a non-significant other, but somebody you'd like to ... *fill in the blank*). And to prove I'm not poisoning you, I'll feed some to my owl right before, or maybe myself if I'm in a good mood. I can be persuaded.
I think I'll take a little nap. I received an intruiging and disturbing letter today from one older gentleman and I have much to think over.
Dazed,
Your Severus
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| ["check mate" just rolls off the tongue.] |
[27 Jun 2004|12:28pm] |
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mood |
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 awake |
] |
Dear Journal,
Nothing new other than my chess games with Lily last night in the library...We had a lovely time, I think. She beat me in the first game and then I won the next two and she won the last one. It was a draw, I suppose, and neither of us wanted to play another game because neither of us wanted to be either a loser or a winner. I ended up getting back to my room very late, around two in the morning.
I love the way chess pieces are shaped, at least before they all destroy each other. I think the knight is my favorite because he is noble and also sturdy, yet agile.
^^Hehe, A bit of humour.
Lily and I talked about the gryffindor boys a bit because she seemed to have them on her mind, but she could tell I was getting uncomfortable talking about them. She changed the subject to Latin, and we discussed the romance languages and roots and stems derived from the Latin language. I think she knows more about linguistics than I do, but she keeps it to herself. I can't believe she can be both intelligent and gregarious...sometimes the two seem to be mutally exclusive for me. I find I don't want to sacrifice my thoughts for companionship, but she doesn't even look at it in that manner. I still don't know if she's being herself around the gryffindor boys or around me, and I don't think I'll ever know.
Lucius seems to have fallen off the face of the planet, so I still do not have a Slytherin friend here. Some Slytherin girls are here, but obviously none of them are interested in talking to me. The feeling is mutual. I'm surprised that certain Slytherins have not been pestering me about joining certain groups requiring certain special tattoos...
I haven't been to London in a week since the sneezing incident, so I think I'll take a trip tomorrow. I have to stop by a certain store to find a certain final ingredient in my potion...then I only have to stir occasionally while the concoction simmers for about a month. I can't believe I'm brewing in my own room, this is so cool! Pardon my teenage giddyness ^_^ for a minute.
Everything feels so liesurely...I love not having the entire student body around. Plus, everybody else here is taking summer classes, and I'm not. And I haven't heard from the little family I have left in a while, which is most definitely a good thing.
Currently guided by lux et veritas,
Your Severus
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| Sneeze & Snooze [weeklong] |
[26 Jun 2004|05:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 peaceful |
] |
Dear Journal,
I found this old-fashioned pharmacy in my explorations of muggle London and decided to apply for a job...I figure muggle money is a good thing to have around. I got the job. Muggle medicine is so hilarious and yet so fascinating.
So I was restocking the shelves in the drug store with ineffective muggle cold remedies when I accidentally sneezed (oh the irony, heh) and knocked over an entire desplay. Somehow my sneeze was magical; it definitely was way more powerful than a normal sneeze. In any case, some muggle must have given me a cold in the pharmacy right when I left Hogwarts and still had particles of potions ingredients lingering in my nose. Needless to say, I quit the job (after earing approximately 350 muggle dollars) and I had to tell Professor Warwhick that I needed to rest to get rid of the cold. Madame Pomfrey pisses me off, so I didn't want to go see her. I doubt she could help with muggle illnesses anyways. In any case, I rested for a week and drank some black tea infused with camomille and fragrant herbs. I feel well-rested and fully recovered. It seems I picked an unfortunate week to explore muggle London, though. There were numerous explosions in the potions room, I've heard, and a few spills and less severe accidents. In any case, Warwhick seems angry so I think I'll avoid him for a bit.
I bought a cauldron with most of my muggle money (that I got changed into gold) and have begun to prepare the potion that will turn Hogwarts upside down... just you wait, Journal.
Since everybody is reading my personal journal:
I need a companion for playing chess with tonight, now that I'm feeling better. Anybody willing to join me? Unfortunately, chess is a game more enjoyable with two people. A lot of games fall under that category...
The week has been wonderfully quiet.
Tranquil and fresh,
Your Severus
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[20 Jun 2004|01:06am] |
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mood |
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 drunk |
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Dear Journal,
Ah, this evening was surprisingly lovely after a miserable day. Even though it was a Saturday, I decided to help out Professor Warwhick to try to make ammends for my tete-en-air attitude the past week. I was digging around in the stockroom and found a recipe for disaster a temporary love potion. It will take me at least two months to brew it, and probably four considering I'd have to do it behind the Professor's back. Still, it's an interesting idea. A prank in the tradition of the gryffindors like yesterday's supposed incident, but with the style and finesse of a Slytherin...I love it. In any case, Warwhick seemed pleased at my spending the late morning and early afternoon cleaning out vials and checking the ingredients for expiration dates. I snagged something *special* from the room that was expired...since it is so valuable when not expired. I checked a textbook in the library and found that the *substance* is actually still fresh for six months after the expiration date. Oh the possibilities.
I spent the late afternoon in the hot, muggy streets of London combing the thrift stores and dingy basements of various other stores for vintage vinyls. I bought Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon album. I'm currently listening to it and finishing off a third glass of bourbon in my bed. I couldn't be happier. And since I was in the muggle section of London, I managed to avoid any other Hogwarts students. I didn't have a lot of coinage though, so I had to go to dinner at Hogwarts. Dumbledore gave me a knowing look...
I can't wait for winter to arrive. I miss the bliss of sitting fireside indulging in languid self-conversation and contemplation. Thinking isn't the same without the crackle of burning wood and the light flickering off the random objects and blobs of people in the Slytherin common room. In the winter, the shadows of things and beings have lives of their own. Fluttering, they cause a temporary commotion in my mind and cause my moods to fluctuate. I miss the fires more than anything else. I miss coffee and tea too, Journal, purely winter phenomenons for me. I have so much to share in the winter.
Envelopped in warmth,
Your Severus
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| Candles |
[19 Jun 2004|12:07am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 creative |
] |
Dear Journal,
It's dark, humid nights like these that make me somehow [masochistly due to the heat I guess] love reading by candlelight. The only thing that could make this better would be somebody here beside me.
Lucius stood me up never read my journal so we still need to meet up. If it weren't so hot I would suggest tea, but until the present heatwave takes its leave Italian ice will have to do?
I decided against eating the chocolate frog. Didn't find anything wrong with it, but "better safe than sorry," yes?
Illuminated,
Your Severus
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| And you read your Emily Dickinson. And I my Robert Frost. |
[18 Jun 2004|08:10am] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
] |
Dear Journal,
WHY IS SOMEBODY SINGING RISE AND SHINE THAT LOUDLY?
I don't even think it's coming from any of the Slytherin dorms!
AH those gryffindors have no right to tell me my music sucks when I'm only playing it to drown out their noise half the time!
There aren't enough girls here. Lily Potter is cute, but would never be interested in me. Yes I'm aware Potter and the Wonder Boys will be reading this, and I do not care. Everybody knows she's cute. You know, she's everything I'm not. I should hate that, but somehow I don't. She deserves better...she deserves the kind of friends that she doesn't have to "keep in check." But it's all part of her personality, and maybe she'd be less Lily without them. I don't know.
I wish some of the Slytherin girls would arrive if only because their doting on Malfoy and his apathy 99.9% of the time is nothing short of hilarious. Ms. Parkinson singlehandedly provided me with comic relief in her relations with Malfoy all last year, and I'm sure he'll agree.
Speaking of Malfoy, Lucius - since I know you're reading this because you also have no respect for privacy - let's meet after dinner in the Slytherin common room? It's about time we had a bloody conversation.
I'm tired and this RISE AND SHINE is only getting louder. I'm going to cast silencing charms on my room and wait for it to blow over. I'll try to get some sleep. I hate these sleepless nights. I'm an insomniac without hearing bizarre noises at 8AM. I stayed up late last night reading some muggle poetry - poetry by a poetesse named Emily Dickinson. She's so fabulously morbid sometimes. This was my favorite:
There's been a death in the opposite house
As lately as today.
I know it by the numb look
Such houses have alway.
The neighbours rustle in and out,
The doctor drives away.
A window opens like a pod,
Abrupt, mechanically;
Somebody flings a mattress out, -
The children hurry by;
They wonder if It died on that, -
I used to when a boy.
The minister goes stiffly in
As if the house were his,
And he owned all the mourners now,
And little boys besides;
And then the milliner, and the man
Of the appalling trade,
To take the measure of the house.
There'll be that dark parade
Of tassels and of coaches soon;
It's easy as a sign, -
The intuition of the news
In just a country town.
Hopelessly exhausted,
Your Severus
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| Chocolate frog? |
[17 Jun 2004|03:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 tired |
] |
Dear Journal,
Professor Warwhick seemed annoyed at me this morning, probably because I was feeling rather distracted. Not only do they all read my journal, they write me notes in response! I suppose even with hexes and curses I cannot have any privacy here. Those gryffindors are so stubborn. I guess I admire them somewhat in their refusal to hear "no" for an answer, but it's annoying when it involves my privacy.
Even though I wasn't performing very well in preparing for Warwhick's first class, he allowed me to stay. I was hoping I'd see Malfoy, but he decided not to grace us with his presence. I have a sneaking suspicion he was on his broom, but I could be wrong.
My grandfather owled me today to see if I wanted to go to the cemetery to visit the Snape tombstones, but I've decided against it. I'd rather wallow in misery here without more thoughts of my dead parents and grandmother.
I found a wrapped chocolate frog next to you, Journal. I know who has been reading it, but I do not understand why anybody would leave me something nice. I'm still testing it for hexes and curses, but I haven't discovered anything. I just have this feeling that it was really left in amity and not disgust... but perhaps that's just wishful thinking. Should I eat it or not?
Ah, my record player came in the owlpost today also. I cannot wait to comb the streets of London for vintage records! Right now my collection of vinyls will have to do. It's almost dinner time and I think I'll head to Diagon Alley and get some different food just for a change of pace while I can. In another month, I'll be a student again.
-Your Severus
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| Lucius |
[16 Jun 2004|10:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cranky |
] |
Dear Journal,
I thought I saw a streak of whiteness skim past my window this morning. At first I'd thought it was an owl or some such inane creature, but upon further investigation I found it to be Lucius Malfoy on his broom. You know, the blonde hair and stuff. I'm very glad to see another Slytherin around. You have NO idea. I feel like somebody has been reading my journal by sneaking into my room...probably Potter and his entourage or retinue or whatever they call themselves. In any case, I haven't spoken to Lucius yet, but I'm sure his father packed him with loads of sweets and an even larger vocabulary than the year before. He's the only one worth conversing with...
I did see him briefly this morning, but he was walking very quickly and didn't have time to stop and "chat." He looks older. It's amazing what two months of difference make. He's grown quite a bit and his hair is (amazingly enough) even lighter. I actually think I grew an inch or so also. I'm still skinny, but I'd like to think I'll fill out eventually. Teenagers are all vain, right? I'm allowed. I feel like everyone is so superficial...if I could just be more sociable and attractive maybe *somebody* would see me in a positive light. Is that so much to ask?...but THEY'RE the unintelligent ones...Ugh. I hate being a teenager.
Potter, if you're reading this, go eat owl shit. You don't deserve all the attention you get.
Adieu, Journal,
Your Severus.
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| Welcome, Severus. Welcome indeed. |
[16 Jun 2004|02:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 hungry |
] |
Dear Journal,
I'm actually in a fairly good mood. I've stepped foot on the Hogwarts schoolgrounds and have yet to see any annoying gryffindor boys. I've also managed to avoid the ubiquitous Dumbledore, somehow. It's not that I dislike him, I just can't handle the old nut on an empty stomach. I'm hungry.
I'm also positively thrilled at the prospect of writing a few times a week in this journal, a leather-bound book of five hundred pages of parchment, a gift from my grandmother's undertaker.
So, yes, I am here for the summer season, journal, and I intend to make good use of my time, unlike every other student who will most likely be residing here for the summer. "Good use of my time..." Merlin, I sound like a ticking timebomb. I fully intend to keep my sense in check... I do not desire to approach time as something passing, rather as something tangible and viscous. By the end of my seventh year I hope to have brewed a potion that will allow me to pick up time and roll in in the palm of my hand like dough. In any case, less abstractly, I'm here to help the potions teacher, Professor Warwhick, prepare for the onslaught of pupils in the fall.
Until next time,
Your Severus
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| From this entry on... |
[16 Jun 2004|12:49am] |
| [ |
mood |
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mischievous |
] |
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
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